More Confessions from an Ordinary Guy

Franz Schubert Lithograph

Image via Wikipedia

by Zoltan James

1. A friend took me to a concert last week to hear Franz Schubert’s “Unfinished Symphony.”  While the performance was good, well, okay, honestly, I thought the string section sounded “buzzy,” not to mention that Schubert’s work felt incomplete. Nonetheless, I felt cheated. I stormed down to the Box Office and asked for 50 percent of my ticket fees back.

For some reason, my friend is not taking my calls or answering my emails.

2. I was walking down the street late one evening when an enchanting woman stepped from out of the shadows and blocked my path. Her beautiful face could stop a wrist watch.  Even though she wore a black trench coat I could see she had an hourglass figure.

She said, “Hey buddy.”  Can you spare a minute?”

I was intoxicated by her sultry looks and alarmed by her tempting perfume.  For the first few seconds, I was speechless.

“What’s your name?” she cooed.

Not knowing where this conversation was going, I opted not to use my real name.  I said, “Ben.”

She winked and placed a warm hand on mine. “Well, Big Ben, can you spare a minute?”

I took several quick and deep breaths and stood strong. I shook my head and said, “No, I can’t.  We’re all on borrowed time, you know.”

That’s when she clocked me.

3. I decided to expand my wardrobe so I went shopping.  I bought two Hawaiian print shirts and a sports jacket – all in a camouflage pattern.  I took them home, hung them in the closet, and now I am so frustrated. I can’t find them.

4. I have decided that in the early morning of our lives there is no try. Only dew.

Remember.  Make every hour your happy hour.


1 Comment

Filed under Literary Links

One response to “More Confessions from an Ordinary Guy

  1. Carolyn

    Aw, and I was hoping you really did see Schubert’s Unfinished last week! Thanks for the laughs. I needed them today.

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