by Zoltan James
CUE: Deep-voiced announcer at the microphone:
Christmas is brought to you again this year by our loyal sponsors:
Our Heavenly Father, Mary and Joseph, a cast of dazed shepherds
Choirs of angels, gift-bearing Magi, and Herod the King.
And, ladies and gentlemen let’s not forget
Mathew and Luke, Guttenberg, Clement Moore
Jews and Romans and Saints and old Santa Claus.
Be sure to shop at Macy’s, Sears, Hallmark and Home Depot
Have a Coke, watch Charley Brown and his scraggly tree
And, remember Christmas comes from you and me.
Ain’t Christmas just a remarkable old event?
Why it’s high and mighty, mystical and magical
Why, some would say it’s heaven sent.
Go ahead celebrate The Birth born of ancient rituals
Pope Constantine’s calendar and reports from the desert
Staring unknown characters in a Bethlehem cave.
Let the memories be revised by artists and musicians
Brought to you by melodies of snowmen
Red-nosed reindeer, and Alvin the Chipmunk.
We sing to Burl and Andy, the Carpenters too
To Rock and Pop, Liturgical and all that Jazz
And give a nod to Jose’s Feliz Navidad.
Go ahead give goodwill to all men, but
Ignore the Muslims and atheists let ‘em scoff
Funny how they’re grateful to get the day off.
Pray for peace. Let’s bring our boys home.
It’s home for Christmas to those who are lucky
Where the lovelife gleams and only in our dreams.
Or it’s just another winter’s day in the soup line
For bums of their choosing, or good folk with misfortune
Or for the fella’s who are a wee bit off their plumb.
What for God that could be you or me
What do they know or care – hey, it’s lonely out there
Are you snug by your fire and filled with desire?
Are you rockin’ around the Christmas tree this year?
In your winter wonderland with your Christmas of white?
Or is this your blue, blue, Christmas?
Thank God Christmas is our light in the dark of winter
We need a little cheer for kids from one to ninety-two
Come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant, we need you.
Give thanks to God, we’re safe and warm
While in Bethlehem it’s fearful and cold
The streets are decorated with guns and tanks.
The inns are empty. Come on down.
There are no long lines at the store or post office.
Silent Night. Oh, Holy Night – It ain’t.
Yes, it’s Christmas here and this is what it is
Once again we hope against all hope
For the new, for the light, and no returns.
We herald this time unlike any other
Cling to the Holy Mother, give all you can, while you can
Be a mensch for mankind, and praise the babe in swaddling.
Please do your part, keep Christmas in your heart
Make the church bells ring and the cash registers ka-ching
Let the economy sing, Hallelujah!
Thank you. This uplifting message was brought to you by
The good folks at Budweiser helping to make your holidays bright
And, by Lucky Strike, the gift of pleasure.
And, now sit back and relax as we return to our regular programming
Featuring The Miracle on 34th Street starring Maureen O’Hara,
As the “mom”; John Payne as Kris Kringle, and Natalie Wood as “the little girl.”
CUE: The Movie
Keep your Happy Holidays and Seasons Greetings
Give me an old-fashioned salutation with real meanings
Just make it merry. Just make it bright.
Make mine Merry Christmas, with snow and light
Make it Merry, Holy and White
Say it like you mean it, it’s still all right.
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