More Confessions From an Ordinary Guy–Part Eight

1.  I’ve decided to outsource cognition.  I’m just plain tired of thinking for myself.

A word to the wise.  In the event you’re considering doing the same, I suggest you avoid outsourcing your thinking to China, unless of course you’re fluent in Chinese.  Otherwise, you’ll end up frustrated and flummoxed, like me.  Initially, I had a Chinese thinker and spokesman.  He did all my thinking for me and even responded to family, friends, clients, door-to-door salesmen, etc.  I didn’t have to do a thing.  Not even think one thought.  It was bliss.  Only problem is every time he spoke it sounded like a kitchen drawer of utensils had fallen to the floor, and that brought on an avalanche of complaints.  Especially from Uncle Carmine.  Oh boy.  Not what I had bargained for.  Secondly, I couldn’t make heads or tails of his reports which were written in Chinese symbols.  I’m now looking into India.  I think.  I don’t know.  Maybe Canada.

2.  I’m more and more worried about continental drift.  It’s the kind of issue that can inch up on you.

3.  I recently attended the Aspen Ideas Festival and was bowled over when I met the Mother of Invention.  She was the keynote speaker and full of wondrous ideas for this and that.  And, if I do say so myself, I found her to be “hot.”  Also, I noticed that her shoes were patent pending.  Anyway, I asked her what she was working on these days and she said mostly she was enjoying being a stay-at-home-mom nurturing the development of her two children, Problems and Solutions.  “One thing I’ve noticed,” she said to me, “is that innovation doesn’t take place in a vacuum.  Dust does.”

4.  Last week I had lunch with my old high school geometry teacher and his daughter.  When we sat down in the rooftop restaurant, with the 360-degree view of the city, he sat at an obtuse angle from me.  His beautiful daughter sat at an acute angle.  The more he and I talked, the more we realized how’d we lived parallel lives.

5.  A month ago, my wife and I adopted an attitude.  It was a positive experience.  Minimal paperwork and very little background checks involved.  Now, she’s thinking she’d like to adopt an explicit attitude.

6.  Just got home from attending a silent auction for charity.  It was most unnerving.  I couldn’t hear a damn thing.

Be well.  Remember confession is good for whatever ails you.  And, if that doesn’t work, I recommend tequila on the rocks.

Make every hour your happy hour!

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “More Confessions From an Ordinary Guy–Part Eight

  1. I can use some of those thoughts, would that be plagerism ?

  2. Well, ordinary guy, this is definitely one of your best reflective and thought-provoking pieces. I think I’ll start outsourcing my clever comments to you and let you corner the market on wit. Or is that whit. Root of whittle. As in away. Cheers! You’re so gung ho!

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