More Confessions from an Ordinary Guy — Part Seven

1.  Someone once said that every day is a blank page in your diary.  Well, I guess I just screwed that up!

2.  The other day I was working on a very complex project with a very short deadline.  In fact it was such a pressure cooker that I felt out of my mind.  When I found my way back, the project was still there.

3.  One day, a few years ago, a former friend of mine walked up to me.  We stood nose to nose.  In no uncertain terms, he told me, quite bluntly, I might add, that, “I needed to face it.  My life was a mess.”  So, I turned my life around.  I never saw him again.

4. I went to University Hospital the other day and declared that in the event that I died suddenly, I wanted to sign up in advance and donate an organ.  The doctor said, “Well, why not donate all of them?”

And, I replied, “It’s a Wurlitzer.  I could never afford more than one.”

He called security and I was quickly ushered out.

5.  I woke up this morning with this revelation:  Ben Franklin was right.  The early bird gets the worm.  But, I’ll bet the moose with the big antlers can get CNN.

6.  When I was in college, during the 60s, my girlfriend was a hippie – with long, flaxen hair, all the way down to there.  She was always going to rallies, carrying signs, yelling hooray for our side, etc. And, now after all these years, I finally understand why we broke up.  It was a big misunderstanding.

When she came back to our pad one day from a march to save the wily coyote, or some such thing, she flounced through the door, beads flying every which way, and yelling “Give peace a chance.”

Well, I must have had my head deep into a poli-sci book, or something, and apparently didn’t hear her correctly.  I thought she said, “Give pizza chants.”  Now, I admit, I thought it sounded odd at that time, but I believed her.  So, being the good sport that I am, I went to the phone and called Pizza Hut and started in with “Pepperoni, sausage, one, two three. Sis, boom, bah.”

She left me before I could hang up the phone.

7.  The other day I decided to turn my life around.  Oh wait.  I did that already.  Damn if I didn’t see my old friend again.

Remember.  Confession is good for the soul.  If that doesn’t work, I recommend tequila on the rocks with lime.

Make every hour your happy hour.



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3 responses to “More Confessions from an Ordinary Guy — Part Seven

  1. Makes me want to have a drink, except I don’t drink anymore, so I’ll have a dill pickel sandwich instead.

  2. Bradley Joseph

    Good Stuff!

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