1. Someone once said that every day is a blank page in your diary. Well, I guess I just screwed that up!
2. The other day I was working on a very complex project with a very short deadline. In fact it was such a pressure cooker that I felt out of my mind. When I found my way back, the project was still there.
3. One day, a few years ago, a former friend of mine walked up to me. We stood nose to nose. In no uncertain terms, he told me, quite bluntly, I might add, that, “I needed to face it. My life was a mess.” So, I turned my life around. I never saw him again.
4. I went to University Hospital the other day and declared that in the event that I died suddenly, I wanted to sign up in advance and donate an organ. The doctor said, “Well, why not donate all of them?”
And, I replied, “It’s a Wurlitzer. I could never afford more than one.”
He called security and I was quickly ushered out.
5. I woke up this morning with this revelation: Ben Franklin was right. The early bird gets the worm. But, I’ll bet the moose with the big antlers can get CNN.
6. When I was in college, during the 60s, my girlfriend was a hippie – with long, flaxen hair, all the way down to there. She was always going to rallies, carrying signs, yelling hooray for our side, etc. And, now after all these years, I finally understand why we broke up. It was a big misunderstanding.
When she came back to our pad one day from a march to save the wily coyote, or some such thing, she flounced through the door, beads flying every which way, and yelling “Give peace a chance.”
Well, I must have had my head deep into a poli-sci book, or something, and apparently didn’t hear her correctly. I thought she said, “Give pizza chants.” Now, I admit, I thought it sounded odd at that time, but I believed her. So, being the good sport that I am, I went to the phone and called Pizza Hut and started in with “Pepperoni, sausage, one, two three. Sis, boom, bah.”
She left me before I could hang up the phone.
7. The other day I decided to turn my life around. Oh wait. I did that already. Damn if I didn’t see my old friend again.
Remember. Confession is good for the soul. If that doesn’t work, I recommend tequila on the rocks with lime.
Make every hour your happy hour.