by Zoltan James
1. I never back down from a challenge. Today, against all odds, I put all my options on the table. But, the, uh, buffalo nickel and Lone Ranger pocket knife were not included.
2. I’m chagrined. Yesterday I only gave a 100 percent.
3. It’s time that I admitted this. I am a closet conservative. Whew! There. I said it. Out loud. In print and on screen. If you must know, in my closet, you’ll find that my colors are red, white and blue. Red for underwear. White for socks. And, blue for jeans. Now, if I were a closet liberal, I’d probably give you the shirt off my back. But, that would leave me half-naked and that’s not a pretty picture. And, with you wearing my shirt — and not much else, well…that’s not a great picture either, but there you go. Get your own closet. And, give me my shirt back! And, by the way…you don’t look so good in pink!
4. I typically don’t worry about much, but one thing that does keep me up at night is the question, “What happens when the world runs out of toilet paper?” I mean, where would we go? Know what I mean?
5. I have a simple philosophy about love. Here it is: “I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.” Hmm? There’s a song lyric in there, somewhere. Somebody give me a B-flat.
6. Last week, out on the golf course, I shot an eagle. But, not with my clubs. Damn bird dived bombed me and snatched my ball just as I was putting for birdie. Ironic, I know.
7. I don’t know about you, but I have real trouble with French authors. Maybe it’s a language thing.
8. I must admit I feel guilty when reading The Bible. Since the New Testament is now well over two-thousand years old, it just doesn’t feel all that new anymore. What sayest Thou Thee? I pray I’m wrong about this.
9. For the longest time, I considered myself to be a simple guy. That is until I discovered I’m comprised of complex carbohydrates.
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